高考英語書面表達試題,要求學生根據(jù)所提供的情景寫一篇100字左右的短文。提供情景,通常采用圖畫、圖表和提綱等形式。圖表形式又分為表格形式和圖形形式。為了寫出一篇優(yōu)秀的文章,下面我們就以表格形式為例,談談如何增加該類文章的特色。
【題目】
某家國內英文報紙設有一個求助信箱(Letters to Dr Helper)。請根據(jù)一份學生現(xiàn)狀調查中列出的部分信息,以高三學生李明的身份給Dr Helper寫一封英語短信。
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學生現(xiàn)狀
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負擔過重的原因
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每日在校時間
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9小時
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考試壓力大;
作業(yè)多;
家長期望高。
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每日作業(yè)時間
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3-4小時
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每日課外活動時間
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幾乎沒有
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每日睡眠時間
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不足
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注意:
1、寫信內容包括表中的所有信息,可適當發(fā)揮;
2、字數(shù)100個詞左右;
3、參考詞匯:overload 過重負擔 pressure 壓力 expectations 期望
【學生習作】
Dear Doctor Helper,
I am Li Ming, a senior middle school student. Now I am writing to you. I need your help.
Every day I must spend about 9 hours in school and do our exercises for three to four hours at home. We have less hours for play and activities outside class. Especially we don’t have enough sleep.
The reason for this overload is because we have the pressure of examinations. We have too much homework to do. Our parents have high expectations for us. If we don’t do our best we won’t go to university. This pressure often makes us out of breath.
Please save us! I am hoping you can give us some advice.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
【點評】
1、總體評價:
本文基本完成了高考書面表達試題所規(guī)定的任務。用10來個句子覆蓋了所有的基本要點,應用的語法結構和詞匯能基本滿足任務的要求;雖有些許詞匯的搭配錯誤和句型的錯誤但不影響對全文意思的理解;雖語法結構簡單,但全文內容基本連貫,能清楚的把信息傳達給讀者。因此,評分最多給一個第3檔比較合適。
2、亮點或采分點:
第一句用了一個同位語,即:a senior middle school student 是Li Ming 的同位語;另外用到了句型have some time for something 和have something to do;尤其還用了一個if 條件句;雖過多地使用了簡單句,但使用的簡單句大多數(shù)沒有結構錯誤,且使用了一些表達準確的習慣用法,如:too much homework、do our best、out of breath、give us some advice等;還正確使用了spend動詞和make動詞;更難能可貴的是全文沒有時態(tài)和語態(tài)錯誤。
3、錯誤更正:
1)The reason for this overload is because … 應該是The reason for this overload is that …;2)have high expectations for us應該是 have high expectations of us
4、錦上添花:
1)、第一段過于啰嗦,應該直截了當點明主題。改成I am a senior student,now in great need of your help because I can hardly stand the great pressure. 2)、第二段——擴展:用了一個并列句和二個簡單句來表明其現(xiàn)狀,但結構單調;首先最好把must 改為have to 更為貼切,且spend about 9 hours in school 這種直譯改為stay at school for 9 hours to have lessons更符合英語習慣;再把do our exercises for three to four hours at home 改為spend at least three to four hours doing my homework at home;把We have less hours for play and activities outside class這種平鋪直敘的句子應該改成We are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we want. 這樣較為復雜的句子來生動地表達我們對這種現(xiàn)狀的不滿。3)、在表明原因時,又用了二個含有動詞have 的句子,盡管表達意思清楚,但過多的重復就導致了本文給人一種語法結構簡單的感覺,因此,可以改用直接使用另外一個簡單句,即:There seem to be three cases about the overload: the pressure of examinations, too much homework and high expectations from the parents. 這樣一來,雖然只用了一個簡單句,可比原來使用的三個單句表達的意思要簡潔、明了,且生動得多,同時也避免了一個詞匯的搭配錯誤(expectations of …錯成expectations for …)和一個句型的錯誤(The reason for … is that …錯成The reason for … is because …);為了更加生動地表達造成這種壓力的更深層的原因,在隨后的一句的前面加上We are often warned that …,效果就大不一樣,同時也與have to 相呼應;本來在“適當發(fā)揮”的那一句里無非是要表明不堪重負的程度,我們不妨試著用awake at night來替換out of breath,這樣一改就更加支撐了主題(I can hardly stand the great pressure.)呼應了前面的We don’t have enough sleep. 僅改了這三個詞,起到的作用就一舉幾得,何樂而不為呢? 4)、在結論句里無非就是向Dr Helper 傾吐一下自己的心聲,想聽聽Dr Helper 的意見或建議,因此,用I write this letter only to wish I could have someone to talk to. I am looking forward to your advice. 就比原來的二句表達得更為恰當,結束得更自然,且用了一個較復雜的句式和一個較高級的短語,就使文章顯得更加生動而有活力,同時也增強了文章的效果。
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【參考范文】
Dear Doctor Helper,
I am a senior student, now in great need of your help because I can hardly stand the great pressure.
Every day I have to stay at school for nine hours to have lessons and spend at least three to four hours doing my homework at home. We teenagers are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we ant. Besides, we don’t even have enough sleep.
There seem to be three cases about the overload: the pressure of examinations, too much homework and high expectations from the parents. We are often warned that if we don’t do our best we won’t have the chance to go to university. The pressure often makes me awake at night.
I write this letter only to wish I could have someone to talk to. I am looking forward to your advice.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
【技巧點撥】
表格式的書面表達具備以下特點:
1、表格提示涉及面廣(如人物介紹、地點介紹、新聞報道等);體裁多種多樣(如記敘文、說明文、應用文等)。
2、與看圖作文不同,表格提示需要表達的信息一覽無遺。答題時既不需要花過多的時間去考慮寫作內容,一般也不會遺漏要點。
3、表格中通常是以不完整的漢語句子作為提示,既能夠讓考生獲得命題人所要求的信息,又留給考生一定的發(fā)揮空間。因此要求考生在答題時要注意以下幾點:
1)避免“填表式”表達:
本篇書面表達有的考生在表達學生現(xiàn)狀時就有可能表達為:
The time in school every day: 9 hours.
The time to do our homework every day: 3—4 hours.
2)避免“硬譯式”表達:
表格中的漢語簡潔,概括性強,表達時切忌逐字逐句翻譯,簡單羅列提示要點。
羅列式表達:
The time we spend in school every day is 9 hours and 3 to 4 hours to do our homework at home. The time to do outside activities is less and no time for sleep every night.
機械式重復:
We have less hours for play and activities outside class.…we don’t have enough sleep.
We have the pressure of examinations. We have too much homework to do. Our parents have high expectations of us.
3)避免“單句式”表達:
高考書面表達不同于單句翻譯。有些同學表達時只注意了單個句子的完整性,忽略了句子與句子之間的銜接以及整個語篇的連貫性,致使全文邏輯性不強,可讀性差。試比較:
原句:We have less hours for play and activities outside class. Especially we don’t have enough sleep.
修正:We are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we want. Besides, we don’t even have enough sleep.
分析:原句過渡不自然,句式重復,讀起來單調、呆板;修正句使用了較復雜的句子,使意義逐步深化;巧妙地使用了過渡成分,前后連貫,結構緊湊。盡管前后句里都包含有動詞have 的句子,但修正句讀起來就比原句生動得多,且自然,從而收到了滿意的表達效果。
4)避免“唯序式”表達:
表達時切忌完全按照表格內容出現(xiàn)的先后順序來寫。應從語篇角度統(tǒng)籌安排所要表達的內容,必要時在表達順序上作適當調整,目的是使全文重點突出,通順連貫。
5)避免“啰嗦式”開頭:
主題句位于文章開頭,這是英語民族的思維習慣。一篇書面表達只能有一個主題。主題句用來概括大意,表明作者的觀點態(tài)度,或提出作者的寫作意圖,是中心思想的體現(xiàn),它限制著主題在整篇文章中討論的范圍,文章的發(fā)展模型,既是文章的綱領,也是文章的核心。而主題句的好壞直接關系到整篇文章的成與敗。因此,點明主題要開門見山。像寫書信,開頭常用的句型有:I am writing to tell you about …; I’d like to tell you something about …; I am writing to get more information about …; I would like to know something about …; I wonder if …; Would you like to tell me whether …? I would like to know if …等等,當然也有不用這些方式的,如本篇文章就是用的 … now in great need of your help ….
6)避免“生硬式”結尾:
結論句亦稱總結句,它標志著文章的結束。它可以用來重述主題、提供問題的解決方法、對未來進行預測、提出問題讓讀者思考、或對全文內容加以概括。但并不是所有的文章都需要結論句,也可以采取自然結束的方式。如本文的結尾就是根據(jù)所述的現(xiàn)狀和引起這種現(xiàn)狀的原因希望得到Dr Helper 的建議從而得到幫助而自然結束,這也是本文所要達到的目的。
因此,考生在答題時要根據(jù)不同的文章,運用不同的結尾方式。常用的結尾方法:(1)重申主題;(2)歸納全文要點,使概念明確;(3)總結推斷,升華為結論;(4)引用權威言論,支持主題;(5)提出問題、啟發(fā)讀者思考。